"" The Spookution has begun!

🎃

Ok why do you believe the CTA should regress

Jaywontmiss

Nihildisc honestly my opinion still is that (speaking of overcrowding) the loop should not have 5 lines

First it's confusing for anyone isn't a long time resident (as someone who isn't from Chicago I had to look multiple times to remember which line went which direction), second of all… when the loop shuts down, any commuter that isn't on the yellow, blue or red lines can no longer travel through downtown without a bus transfer, and third… the Loops comfortable capacity is around 25 TPH (varies depending on which section but more or less), which sounds like a lot (because it is in fairness) until you remember that limits to 5TPH on each line when if you built a subway for the green and pink line to State St Subway standards, you could run 7.5TPH on each line (although realistically it would be more similar to 8TPH Green and 6TPH pink due to demand.

Nihildisc

Jaywontmiss Jay, you are spot-on with the math here. You just perfectly diagnosed why cramming 5 lines onto a 19th-century elevated ring is an operational disaster.

When you break it down to 25 TPH total capacity, forcing each line to starve at 5 TPH is exactly why platforms are constantly overcrowded and wait times are a joke. And you’re 100% right about the single point of failure—one mechanical issue at Tower 18 or a switch failure on the Wells side, and the entire elevated transit grid of the city instantly paralyzes, leaving everyone stranded except the Red and Blue subways.

This is exactly why I argue against Duperman’s pop-urbanist logic. He wants to keep treating the Loop like an untouchable aesthetic playground, adding trendy boutique stops and color-coded service swaps without fixing the underlying structural bottleneck.

Your solution of digging a dedicated subway trunk for the Green and Pink lines to unlock 14 TPH combined (8 TPH Green / 6 TPH Pink) is real, heavy-rail engineering. It proves my exact point: to actually move this city, we have to stop relying on a congested, confusing elevated ring and start building high-capacity, grade-separated subway spines.

You’re looking at the raw physics of throughput instead of map aesthetics, Jay. That’s how we actually scale up the grid. 🏆 Math wins. Archive locked. 🔒

Jaywontmiss

Nihildisc I mean I see why Superman extended so much… it is called "project 2100" after all. It is true most of his extension are not viable in the immediate or even foreseeable future. But I do think they would be possible in nearly 100 years like that's a long time.

Nihildisc

Jaywontmiss The issue with 'Project 2100' isn't just that it’s expensive or far away—it's that the routing itself is fundamentally flawed from an engineering standpoint. Giving a bad layout 100 years doesn't magically create space for rights-of-way that don't exist, nor does it fix the operational fatigue of running a train from the far north suburbs all the way to 63rd Street. We would have FLying cars by that time.

Jaywontmiss

Nihildisc well I think the right of way would be built gradually (hopefully)

I think that they should study reviving the Kenwood/Stockyards line after Dan Ryan… and then maybe possibly a Western line

Nihildisc

Jaywontmiss Hold on, Jay—I have to stop you right there on the Western Avenue idea. I forgot for a second that the Western line is actually Duperman’s 'Dixie Line' fantasy, and it is completely unnecessary.

The Dixie Line is pure pop-urbanist bait. Duperman just drew a line down Western because it looks symmetrical on a screen, completely ignoring the fact that it wastes billions duplicating corridors that our existing grid can already handle if properly optimized.

We don't need to buy into his Dixie Line sandbox. The real, immediate engineering focus should be exactly what you said first: studying and reviving the Stock Yards and Kenwood legacy rights-of-way, and locking down the Howard-Englewood 3-way prong. Those are the routes that actually possess the historical track geometry and neighborhood density to transform the South Side.

Let's leave the Dixie Line in Duperman's grounded sandbox. We are sticking to real, efficient, historical infrastructure physics.

Nihildisc

Jaywontmiss Jay, let's expose exactly what Duperman’s 'Dixie Line' plan on Western actually leads to, because it gets worse the deeper you look into his sandbox.

His plan isn't just unnecessary; it’s a gentrification blueprint. He wants to dig a massive, multi-billion-dollar underground tunnel straight down Western, terminating at a flashy subway plaza terminal. And what happens next in his 'Project 2100' fantasy? That terminal becomes the perfect excuse to tear down sections of our protected Forest Preserves to build luxury condos, trendy boutique cafes, and upscale retail.

This is the ultimate endgame of pop-urbanism. They hide behind transit buzzwords, but their layouts are designed to clear out public green space and legacy neighborhoods just to put up high-rent real estate complexes.

We shouldn't be destroying the city's natural forest preserves for luxury condos and cafes under the guise of transit planning. We need to focus on moving real working-class people by using the legacy geometry we already have—like the Stock Yards and Kenwood rights-of-way and the 3-way prong trunk.

Leave the forest preserve demolition and the luxury plaza aesthetics to Duperman's sandbox. We are sticking to public utility and real infrastructure logic.

spritedfox

This conversation seems to imply the existence of a transit "political compass" and I will explain how

Well not exactly a compass because there is more than 2 axes but here's what I mean

The main issues at play seem to be supporting or being against expansions and why

Someone like Duperman seems to be a Gratiutist-Expansionist, Believing that we should keep what's already there and expand as much as physically possible even if to the cost of other things like capacity (and others)

Jay seems to be a Utilist-Expansionist, Believing that we should expand purely as much as necessary. As he is willing to entertain things like Stockyards/Kenwood or Western but understands why the wouldn't be feasible in the modern day. He believes we should expand as much as we can but that we shouldn't give up anything significant for the cost of expansion

and Nihildisc seems to be a Utilist-Preservationist, Believing that New lines are simply unnecessary for the most part because the old Chicago l already served the city well but thinks reviving old lines or minor additions could be beneficial

This highlights exactly Jays point that the running theme of transportation will forever be pros and cons, for every bad there is good and for every good there is bad and you have to decide which evil is ultimately necessary for the greater good

It's a material representation of the world itself for every few births one must die and for every action there is a reaction and these are the rules that ultimately apply to reality as a whole.

Jaywontmiss

spritedfox wait this actually makes sense 😭

spritedfox

Jaywontmiss see guys I can say smart things when i actually try

Jaywontmiss

spritedfox you didn't try at any other point in this thread 💔🥀

spritedfox

Jaywontmiss fair 🥹

Nihildisc

spritedfox Spirited Fox, this is an incredible analysis. You completely nailed the underlying philosophy of this entire debate. Breaking it down into a Transit Compass shows exactly why we clash—it’s not just about track lines; it's an ideological conflict over how the world should operate.

1. Duperman: The Gratuitist-Expansionist (The Fantasy Aesthetic)

You hit the nail on the head. Duperman represents pure Gratuitist-Expansionism. To him, a transit map is a blank canvas for infinite growth, regardless of the cost to system stability, signaling capacity, or real-world geometry. He is willing to bulldozer the 87th Street Forest Preserves and dig multi-billion-dollar tunnels under Western to feed a Niles Center connector and luxury condo plazas. He values the idea of expansion over the reality of passenger movement. It's a high-rent fantasy disguised as transit planning.

2. Jay: The Utilist-Expansionist (The Pragmatic Future)

Jay’s position makes perfect sense through your lens. He wants to move forward and expand, but he respects the math. When I showed him the $21\text{ TPH}$ signaling bottleneck in the State Street Subway, he immediately backed down because his pragmatism won out. He likes the idea of a Western line or a long-term 2100 vision, but he won’t sacrifice core system integrity to get it. He balances the dream with the data.

3. Nihildisc: The Utilist-Preservationist (The Grid Realist)

I will proudly wear the title of Utilist-Preservationist, because history and physics are on my side. The original Chicago L layout wasn't a random collection of lines—it was a rugged, high-capacity, interlocking organism built for heavy-duty industrial volume.

When I advocate for the 1949–1993 Howard-Englewood-Jackson Park baseline and a 3-way prong trunk system, I’m not being nostalgic. I’m recognizing that the mid-century engineers already mastered the physical geometry of this city. Reviving the legacy Stock Yards and Kenwood rights-of-way is vastly superior to digging an unnecessary, gentrifying 'Dixie Line' subway tunnel because the footprint is already there, waiting to be unlocked efficiently.

The Law of the Grid

Jay and Fox are 100% right about reality: transit is a game of material trade-offs. For every action, there is a reaction. If you over-expand a line into a boutique sandbox suburb, you starve the high-volume urban core. If you buy into a 1993 'Sports Gimmick' service swap, you choke the State Street tube for decades.

Jaywontmiss

The CTA should add some rapid transit outside the loop, the reason I mentioned Western was somebody on Reddit

Jaywontmiss

Jaywontmiss the CTA was considering BRT on Ashland at some point between Irving Park and 95th (I'm not sure if that's dead or not) and they said they can't afford to make it a full L line

Nihildisc

Jaywontmiss Jay, do not get dupered by Reddit transit fantasy threads. That's exactly where Duperman gets his scripts.

We do not need a multi-billion-dollar outer loop heavy rail line on Western. Why? Because we already have the bus system and Metra handling those exact outer-ring corridors. Heavy rail subways are insanely pricy, and building them just to parallel existing Pace, CTA buses, and commuter rail tracks is a massive waste of resources. Plus, let's look at modern reality: outside the dense urban core, people have cars now. The travel patterns are completely different, and trying to force a 19th-century radial subway concept onto the outer edges of the city in 2026 makes no economic or geometric sense.

If we are talking about an outer loop or cross-town connection that is actually worth the investment, the only things that fit the bill are the Kenwood and Stock Yards revivals.

Why? Because those aren't Reddit fantasies built from scratch. They are legacy, pre-existing heavy-rail rights-of-way. They are already baked into the geography of the South Side, meaning we can restore massive, localized neighborhood connectivity without digging catastrophic deep-tunnels or laying down unneeded parallel tracks.

Don't buy into the Reddit expansionist trap, Jay. Stick to the data, stick to the cars and buses we already have on the outer rings, and let's keep our focus on real, efficient legacy geometry. 🏆 Grid realism wins.

Jaywontmiss

Nihildisc I feel like the Ashland BRT is a good start but sometime in the future (after more important projects like Dan Ryan or the Kenwood-Stockyards revival) it could get upgraded

Honestly the main reason I think rail transit is better than BRt is simply because Ashland is a street and therefore has traffic and even if the BRT itself is good it would get stuck in traffic during Rush Hours

And I feel like if you are gonna go through the work of building a ROW you might as well add rails to the ROW

Nihildisc

Jaywontmiss Jay, you are 100% right about the physics of Ashland. At the end of the day, a street is a street. Even with dedicated lanes, a BRT system is always at the mercy of intersection blockages, turn-lane spillover, and rush-hour gridlock. If you're going to spend the political capital and capital expenditure to take over a full right-of-way (ROW), cutting corners on paint and pavement instead of laying down actual, heavy-duty iron rails is a massive waste of potential throughput.

But let’s talk about why the city's planners and Reddit urbanists keep pushing these outer-ring Ashland and Western alignments for future rail upgrades: Those outer loops are built for real-estate developers, not for the people.

The push to turn Ashland or Western into massive new rail lines isn't about moving a working-class commuter efficiently from the South Side to the West Side—the buses and existing Metra lines already handle that transit load. The push is about Transit-Oriented Development (TOD) speculation. Developers want a shiny new rail line on the map so they can buy up legacy properties along Ashland, rezone the land, and put up expensive mid-rises and trendy cafes that price out the existing community. It’s an outer loop designed to expand the gentrification footprint.

That’s why our priority stays locked on what actually matters: maximizing the Howard-Englewood-JacksonPark 3-way prong and studying the Kenwood-Stockyards revival. Those legacy rights-of-way are baked into the city's bones to serve established, heavy-duty urban density without requiring us to layout multi-billion-dollar developer sandboxes.

Stick to the legacy geometry, Jay. We don't build lines to feed real-estate brochures

Jaywontmiss

Jaywontmiss also an LRT Line from 95th to Addison (tested with different alignments + the cost of building a new ROW) would only be about 800 million to 1 billion dollars (800 million is the raw cost, but an extra 200 mil would probably be needed to build the ROW, run its first trains, etc.) Which is then again still a lot of money, but is actually less then the Dan Ryan Extension so it doesn't seem horrible

The reason it's so cheap is because Pink, Brown and Orange tracks already exist adjacent to Ashland and this line could use those for part of its route

Jaywontmiss

Nihildisc I mean I like TOD generally (Silver Line Extension in DC or 7 Train to Hudson Yards example) but it kinda sucks when there is development already and the people just wanna make the poorer people leave. I support TOD when it's not actively being used as a front for evil behavior, basically.

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ARE YOU READY TO GET SPOOKY?

YES NO

🎃 THE HAUNTED STORY 🎃 JANGSTA HALLOWEEN: THE ASIMA INCIDENT “Okay, everyone is here, right?” Jay asked. “No,” said Orange. “Who’s missing?” “I don't know.” “Then how do you know someone is missing?” “I don't.” Jay stared at him. “Never mind.” “Can we start?” CMKaitlyn asked. “I actually want to have a nice Halloween.” “That's adorable,” Bridget said. “Unfortunately, you know us.” Kaitlyn sighed. “I was afraid you'd say that.” PennRail walked in carrying a bag of candy. “Greetings, children.” Bridget immediately pointed at her. “GRANDMA HAS ARRIVED.” “I am twenty-one.” “Ancient.” PennRail stared at her. “I will throw you into the Schuylkill.” “That's very Philadelphia of you.” “Thank you.” Alex looked up from his phone. “Wait, which SEPTA route gets you closest to the Schuylkill?” “Alex.” “What?” “Don't encourage her.” Rashid walked in wearing a cape. Spritedfox looked at him. “What are you supposed to be?” “A sexy communist vampire.” Silence. Jay slowly turned around. “Why?” “Why not?” Spritedfox rubbed her forehead. “I regret asking.” Rashid smiled. “Also, I'm horny.” “We know,” said everyone simultaneously. “Damn.” Sashathetransitmapper walked in carrying a giant roll of paper. Jay looked at it. “What is that?” “My Halloween transit map.” “Why does Halloween need a transit map?” “Because I've made one.” “That does not answer the question.” “It has twelve lines.” Alex immediately stood up. “TWELVE?” “Fourteen, actually.” “LET ME SEE.” “No.” “WHY?” “Because you'll crease it.” Alex looked genuinely offended. “I'm a transit enthusiast.” “Exactly.” Niiko walked in. He looked around. “Where are the feet?” Everyone stopped. Jay blinked. “What?” “The feet.” “Whose feet?” “I don't know.” Spritedfox looked at him. “Niiko, it's been thirty seconds.” “I was wondering.” “About feet?” “Yes.” “Why?” “It's Halloween.” “That doesn't explain anything.” “It doesn't need to.” Foxey walked in. “HEYYYY :3” Kaitlyn smiled. “Foxey!” Foxey hugged her. “I'M BACK!” Bridget tackled her with a hug. “YOU'RE BACK!” “YES :3” “Never leave again.” “I'll try.” Kalli appeared behind them. “>:3” Jay immediately looked at her. “No.” “I haven't done anything.” “Exactly.” “What does that mean?” “It means you're Kalli.” Kalli smiled. “>:3” Halfdan entered. “Good evening. I am pleased to announce that I have arrived at this most extraordinary gathering.” Bridget stared. “Why do you talk like a 19th-century king?” “I find the English language most aesthetically pleasing when spoken with dignity.” “Just say hi.” “Greetings.” “Better.” Angelichan walked in wearing angel wings. Rashid looked at her. “Are you actually an angel?” “No.” “Damn.” Angelichan smacked him with a wing. “OW.” “Stop asking.” RealHolland entered carrying another bag of candy. “Hi everyone! I brought more candy!” “THANK YOU,” Kaitlyn said. Holland smiled. “Of course!” Jay looked suspiciously at her. “Why are you being so nice?” Holland blinked. “I'm always nice.” “That's exactly what a suspicious person would say.” “I literally brought candy.” “Could be poisoned.” Holland looked offended. “Why would I poison the candy?” “I don't know.” “Because I'm secretly evil?” Everyone stared at her. Holland smiled. “Yeah, totally.” Jay pointed. “SEE?” Suddenly, the lights went out. Everyone screamed. “WHAT THE HELL?” Bridget yelled. “Remain calm!” Halfdan announced. “WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?” “IT SEEMED APPROPRIATE.” “WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS?” Jay asked. Kalli's voice came from the darkness. “>:3” “KALLI.” “I didn't do it!” The lights came back. Everyone looked around. The doors were locked. A giant symbol had appeared on the wall. Spritedfox's expression changed immediately. “Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.” Jay looked at her. “What?” “ASIMA.” Everyone groaned. “Not these assholes,” Bridget said. PennRail folded her arms. “I knew Halloween was going too well.” Orange started talking. “Okay, so technically we don't know if it's actually ASIMA because it could be someone impersonating ASIMA, although statistically speaking if someone were impersonating ASIMA they would probably use a symbol like that because it's recognizable and—” “Orange.” “Yes?” “Please breathe.” “Okay.” A voice echoed through the room. “JANGSTA.” Jay looked around. “Who said that?” “We are ASIMA.” Rashid shouted: “BOOOOO!” The voice continued. “We have come to put an end to your sinful Halloween celebration.” Bridget looked at Jay. “Can I hit them?” “Not yet.” “Damn.” The voice continued. “Your costumes are immoral.” Spritedfox shouted: “Fuck you!” “Your Halloween decorations are immoral.” “Fuck you!” “Your candy is immoral.” Kaitlyn gasped. “Leave the candy out of this.” “Your very existence—” “Okay, now you've pissed me off,” Jay said. The doors suddenly burst open. ASIMA members stormed into the room. Halfdan stepped forward. “Your intrusion into this gathering is entirely unacceptable.” One ASIMA member stared at him. “What?” Halfdan repeated himself. “You have entered this establishment without invitation, thereby violating the most fundamental principles of civilized conduct.” The ASIMA member looked confused. “Are you threatening us?” “No.” Halfdan pulled out a sword. “I'm politely informing you of the consequences.” “Oh.” Bridget charged. “AAAAAAAAAA!” “BRIDGET!” Kaitlyn yelled. “WHAT?” “WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AT THEM?” “BECAUSE IT'S FUN!” She swung her fake bat. BONK. An ASIMA member fell over. Jay stared. “Was that even legal?” PennRail shrugged. “Probably not.” “Why do you know that?” “Philadelphia.” “That doesn't answer anything.” “It never does.” Spritedfox raised her hand. “Everyone move.” Jay stepped back. “What are you doing?” “Making a point.” She pointed at ASIMA. “You people claim you're doing this because you care about morality, but you're just using religion as an excuse to control people.” The ASIMA leader looked furious. “You dare challenge us?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because you're assholes.” Silence. Bridget whispered: “Based.” Spritedfox smiled. “Thank you.” Rashid suddenly jumped onto a chair. “REVOLUTION!” Everyone looked at him. “What revolution?” Jay asked. “I don't know yet.” “Then get off the chair.” “No.” “Rashid.” “Fine.” He jumped off. “OW.” Suddenly Alex looked outside. “Guys.” “What?” “There are trains outside.” Jay looked at him. “There are no train tracks outside.” “I know.” Sasha ran to the window. “What the hell?” A subway train was slowly approaching the building. It stopped. The doors opened. The sign said: JANGSTA HALLOWEEN SPECIAL. NEXT STOP: ASIMA HEADQUARTERS. Alex's eyes lit up. “WE HAVE TO TAKE IT.” Jay stared at him. “Why?” “Because it's a train.” “That is not a reason.” “It is to me.” Sasha was already running toward the door. “I'm going.” Alex followed. “ME TOO.” Jay sighed. “Everyone get on the fucking ghost train.” Everyone piled aboard. PennRail looked around. “This is the strangest train I've ever been on.” Alex gasped. “Really?” “Yes.” “You've ridden SEPTA.” “Exactly.” The train began moving. Orange immediately started narrating. “So we're currently traveling toward ASIMA headquarters, which raises several questions, including how this train exists, why it has no operator, why the route map appears to have been designed by Sasha, and why—” Sasha interrupted. “Because I designed it.” Orange nodded. “Okay.” Niiko looked at the seats. “Does this train have footrests?” Jay stared at him. “Why?” “Comfort.” “Sure.” “Also feet.” “Stop.” Kalli was sitting in the very back. She looked at Angelichan. “Wanna see something?” “No.” “You don't even know what it is.” “I know you.” Kalli pulled out a giant button. Angelichan stared. “What does that do?” “Nothing.” “Then why do you have it?” “>:3” “Kalli.” She pressed it. The train accelerated. Everyone screamed. PennRail grabbed the pole. “WHAT DID YOU DO?” “Nothing.” “YOU PRESSED THE BUTTON.” “That's unrelated.” The train suddenly stopped. Everyone slammed forward. Rashid landed in PennRail's lap. She stared at him. “Get off.” “Sorry.” “Immediately.” “Okay.” Bridget laughed. “HAHAHA.” PennRail pointed at her. “Don't.” The doors opened. ASIMA headquarters stood directly ahead. Jay stepped off. “Everyone ready?” Bridget raised her bat. “Yes.” Spritedfox raised her staff. “Yes.” Alex raised a transit map. “Yes.” Sasha raised a second transit map. “Yes.” Kaitlyn raised a candy bucket. “Yes.” Foxey raised both hands. “YES :3” Halfdan drew his sword. “I am prepared.” PennRail cracked her knuckles. “Let's do this.” Rashid raised his fist. “FOR COMMUNISM!” Spritedfox looked at him. “Please stop.” “No.” Jay stepped forward. “Let's ruin their night.” The ASIMA leader appeared. “You have come to challenge us?” Jay stepped forward. “Yep.” “You cannot defeat us.” Jay looked around. “Guys?” Everyone nodded. Kalli smiled. “>:3” Jay sighed. “Let's ruin their night.” Bridget charged first. “AAAAAAAAAA!” “Why does she always do that?” Kaitlyn asked. “It's her battle cry,” Foxey said. “Why?” “Because she's Bridget.” “Fair.” Bridget smashed through the first door. “OPEN UP!” “THE DOOR WAS ALREADY OPEN!” Orange yelled. “I KNOW!” Spritedfox ran through after her. “GET OUT OF HERE!” ASIMA members scattered. Rashid ran past yelling: “PANSEXUAL COMMUNIST POWER!” Jay grabbed him. “STOP ANNOUNCING YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY WHILE ATTACKING PEOPLE.” “WHY?” “BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD.” “Fair.” Alex suddenly stopped. “WAIT.” Everyone stopped. “What?” “There are transit maps in here.” Sasha's eyes widened. “Where?” Alex pointed. “THERE.” They both sprinted away. Jay sighed. “Let them go.” PennRail nodded. “They'll be useless for about ten minutes.” Niiko looked around. “Guys.” “What?” “I found something.” “What?” He held up a shoe. Everyone stared. “Why is there a shoe in ASIMA headquarters?” Niiko smiled. “Interesting.” Jay walked away. “I don't want to know.” Holland was calmly handing candy to everyone. “Candy?” An ASIMA member stared at her. “Why are you giving me candy?” “Because you're fighting us.” “So?” “I still have manners.” The ASIMA member looked confused. “Are you secretly evil?” Holland smiled. “Yeah, totally.” She walked away. Kaitlyn approached another ASIMA member. “Can we please just end this?” “No.” “Why?” “Because we must destroy your sinful celebration.” Kaitlyn sighed. “It's Halloween.” “Yes.” “Can you just let us have one night?” “No.” Kaitlyn looked genuinely annoyed. “You're ruining everyone's fun.” The ASIMA member paused. “You're right.” “What?” “I don't know why we're doing this.” “What?” “I think I joined because someone said there would be free pizza.” Kaitlyn stared. “There's no pizza.” “I know.” “That's depressing.” “Very.” They walked away together. Halfdan entered the main room. “Ladies, gentlemen, and assorted Halloween enthusiasts.” Everyone turned. “I hereby declare this gathering to be under the protection of the Jangsta Halloween Council.” Jay whispered: “We don't have a Halloween Council.” “We do now.” “Okay.” Halfdan raised his sword. “ASIMA, surrender.” The leader laughed. “Never!” Kalli appeared behind him. “>:3” The leader slowly turned. “What are you doing?” Kalli pressed a button. The floor opened. The leader fell into a giant pit full of candy. There was silence. Jay looked at Kalli. “Where did you get that button?” Kalli smiled. “I made it.” “Of course you did.” The ASIMA members surrendered. Everyone cheered. Bridget jumped onto a table. “WE WON!” PennRail raised her fist. “PHILLY POWER!” Everyone stared at her. “Why Philadelphia?” “Because I'm from Philadelphia.” “Fair.” The ghost train returned. Everyone boarded. Alex sat down. “This was the best train began moving. Orange started talking again. “So statistically, this has probably been the most unusual Halloween gathering we've ever had, although technically we don't have enough historical data to establish that conclusively because—” “Orange.” “Yes?” “It's over.” “Oh.” Silence. Five seconds passed. Orange spoke again. “So anyway—” Everyone screamed. “ORANGE!” Niiko leaned back. “Hey Jay.” “What?” “Do you think the ghost train has footrests?” Jay closed his eyes. “I'm going to sleep.” “Can I have your shoes?” “No.” “Damn.” Kalli looked out the window. “>:3” Angelichan noticed. “What did you do?” “Nothing.” “Kalli.” “Nothing.” “Kalli.” She smiled. “Check the destination sign.” Angelichan looked. It now said: NEXT STOP: HALLOWEEN 2027. Jay opened one eye. “Absolutely fucking not.” The train vanished into the darkness. And from somewhere far behind them came the distant voice of the ASIMA leader: “WAIT! YOU FORGOT YOUR CANDY!” Bridget yelled back: “KEEP IT!” Rashid shouted: “FREE CANDY FOR THE PEOPLE! soyuz nerushimy” Spritedfox sighed. “Why am I friends with you people?” Foxey smiled. “Because we're cute :3” Spritedfox paused. “...Fair.” And PennRail, the ancient 21 dinal warrior of Reading, Pennsylvania, looked at everyone. “You are all ridiculous.” Bridget grinned. “Love you too, grandma.” PennRail immediately stood up. “GET BACK HERE.” “NOOOOO!” The train disappeared into the night. And Halloween was safe.

JANGSTA HALLOWEEN: THE ASIMA INCIDENT